I drank two bottles of my favourite pinotage that night sat by the fire, tapping away on the keyboard. I had recognized I was happy, for the first time in so very fucking long. Uganda and my adventuring had altered everything about me. I was glowing, and happiness, in my experience is so fleeting that I just took a moment and let it wash over me. I bought Charles a couple drinks and had crawfish for dinner; crawfish caught in the 900-meter Lake Bunyoni whose shores I was sitting by. I wrote by fire light, got drunk and wished deeply in my bones that my time in Uganda wasn’t ending and that I could just continue adventuring into the Congo and beyond as the wind would carry me. The reality was I just didn’t have the means to do so.
Morning came with an epic hangover; I took some speed and some Valium and got myself right for the drive to come back to Entebbe. We jammed in the van; I was crashed out as soon as we got off the red earth roads in the country and onto the highway. I was disappointed I slept so long; it was my last 6 hours with my friend Charles, the best guide in East Africa. Before long we arrived at the Equator line I got some photos and learned that water spins differently 10 feet from the 0 latitude line. That amazed me, I understand the science of it of course, but in such a short distance the magnetic fields changed the direction of water?? That’s mental right???
We arrived to traffic in Entebbe about 7 hours later. It was a Friday and the moon must have been full because it was getting particularly wild and it was only about 1700. There was a magic in the air, a sexual tension. As we pulled off to a short cut dirt road to avoid traffic a woman was marching and dancing through a small village on stilts, followed closely by a giant farm truck with women in the back dancing, a few, standing on the top holding onto the steel cross beams were twerking to the loud music that was blaring from the speakers in the back of the truck. The twerking girls were enough, even at a glimpse, to give me half an erection. It is one of my many sexual weaknesses I must admit. Behind the truck was a small crowd of people following behind dancing and all the people in the small village stopped what they were doing to just bob or move to the beat as it slowly passed them. It happened so quickly I didn’t get the photo, another regret I’ll add to the growing list.
We drove another hour on the red earth roads. I owed Charles and the tour company another $300 for the extra day, petrol and the van. I went to pull some money out and got Charles paid. I tipped him a fresh $100 bill and told him if I had ten more they would be his, that he was the greatest guide that I had ever had the pleasure to share time with in all my travels and that I would be back to tour Tanzania and the Congo with him as soon as my wallet would allow it. I was disappointed in the tip, he was not, although I’m sure he was used to receiving more, I do hope to write something about my friend Charles under the endorsed section here in order to create more business for him and tell his incredible story.
The best guide in East Africa, Charles Byarugaba, with Gorilla Bookings Uganda
I gave him a hug and graciously thanked him, for his friendship and the world-class experience that he provided me, then, he got into the van and I watched as he drove away, I felt like something was missing immediately and I was alone. An armed guard carried by bags to my room where I showered and tried to wake myself up enough to prepare for a girl named Prasha that would be joining me from Kampala for some drinks. We had been flirting earlier via Instagram and she arranged to make the 2-hour (in traffic) journey to come have a drink with me. I was nearly flat broke and hadn’t eaten since the night before. The bar at the hotel wasn’t very nice unfortunately, the state of the hotel was another sign I was broke. They didn’t take card so I had to make a quick march to hit the cash machine again. My money was fading quickly. I just drank wine and went without food, having a couple drinks while I waited for Prasaha.
When she finally arrived, I paid for the 95,000 Shilling (about $25) Uber bill and invited her in. She was pretty, thin with a thick ass, dark skinned and pretty sassy. We drank our wine and talked, I told her about my mission and she told me about the life of a village girl with an education that moved to the city and all that came with living in Kampala. With the first bottle of wine finished we ventured out to a small local bar, where we ordered another bottle and befriended a man next to us, a well-dressed black man. Prasha and I had spoke about me doing drugs and being a wild man. Next thing I knew I was offered fresh green leaves in a small baggie, I refused thinking it was weed at first. Prasha explained it was a local stimulant that would “make me strong” assuming it was some sort of natural Viagra or Khat; I couldn’t pass up the opportunity. I asked how much and he said, “not for sale brother take some!” his eyes were glossy and he had a giant smile on his dark face. I asked how much to take and moved towards him while simultaneously ordering him another of the Nile beer he was drinking. He pulled out a little pinch of the green leaves, they were kind of small but full leaves. It didn’t smell like anything except remotely like stinging nettles. I asked what to do and he said just chew it. In it went, even with Prasha telling me not to take so much. I chewed it for a while, it tasted like chewing some random leaf from the jungle there was almost no flavor but a slight tingle on my tongue. I was told to swallow it and with a gulp of my wine off I went. I thanked the man graciously and excused myself back to my date. I asked Prasha and the man many times what the name of this drug was, and still cant understand what the fuck they told me, it was lost in translation, and even if I could tell you I couldn’t pronounce it anyway. I don’t know if it’s a common drug, or what, I know that it was fresh leaves and that I can find nothing about it through Google searching for drugs in East Africa, Uganda or anywhere else for that matter that remotely look or sound like what I had just taken. I do know that without dinner and the mix of wine, Valium and speed made what happened next multiply by 100.
We talked for a while longer at that local bar. Prashas hands were reaching over for mine and she was getting pretty handsy. I had been off sex for months, avoiding it, abstaining. I suppose its that the research chems I was on were so much better than sex that I felt there was no point. Molly was at the start of all of that but that had faded now significantly. Girls usually fail to please me in bed anyway. My friend in New York says its finally that time in my life when I’m looking for a genuine emotional connection and not just to fuck everything that walks, which isn’t what I do and I hate her a little for making it so vulgar. Like I thoroughly stated in my about section, every woman to ever enter my bed has some small piece of my heart and always will. I could feel my eyes dilate and the initial panic of taking an unknown drug in Uganda and possibly waking up without my liver caused some pretty serious anxiety, then I remembered I had a fuck ton of valium and at least I could sleep though the bathtub surgery.
Eyes like saucers my mind was going a million miles a minute but I was completely in control, there were things happening in my mind, like a hallucinogen without the visuals, my mind was going places at light speed, my heart was pounding and I was concerned it may explode. Once I got past the initial rush, after an hour or so and found myself back in my room with a half naked dark skin girl and two empty bottles of wine on the floor, mind going so fast I had almost made it to the next inhabitable earth like planet. I worried my cock wouldn’t get hard, which was immediately a non issue as Prasha kneeled down and started unbuckling my belt. She pulled me out and put me in her mouth. It had been a long while, it felt good, and she knew what she was doing but was far from a porn star. Still my cock was in her mouth and she was looking up at me with her nearly black eyes. My heart was pounding, head spinning and penis raging. She pushed me back on the bed and took off the rest of her clothes. Her skin was the color of creamy chocolate milk. It had been a while since I had been with a dark skinned woman, since my Afro-Caribbean ladies in Cuba.
Prasha started jerking me off slowly and grinding up against me. I pulled out a condom and slipped it on, this was Africa after all. I tried to put in some work to please her but she constantly stopped me, culturally I think she wasn’t used to having a man in her service to please her, this was all of a sudden all about me. She climbed on top and slid me inside her with a little squeal. She was a tiny girl and slowly started grinding against my hips; she had sharp skinny bones that stabbed at me now and then. She turned reverse cowgirl and that led to doggy style. Remember my heart was racing, eyes dilated and completely in some kind of 3rd dimension mentally, it was like my body was fucking this girl but my mind was solving math problems and being able to access this 3rd dimension without knowing what the drug was called. I’ll have Prasha write it down when we are finished I thought as I looked down to her ass bouncing against my hips and the waves of jiggles floating towards her lower back and then back again. I opened my eyes wider trying to stay in the moment, I couldn’t, and my consciousness had completely left this plane of existence. When she stopped, flipped me over and violently ripped off the condom and gagged on me she took it so deep into her throat over and over; drooling all over me. My head was spinning, there was no way I was going to ejaculate being in this 3rd drug dimension. She continued to moan and bob her head. That went on for about 30 minutes, after 10 I told her I would finish for her, which she refused until finally I demanded. Finally I came all over her to the sound of her elation.
I fell off her, lying down and suddenly my brain was functioning deeper and further away in that 4th dimension from before. It was like the whole room was becoming this deep void and Prasha was miles above me as she pulled up close and told me she loved me, I didn’t even blink at that, I was fucking time traveling, my heart and body had slowed down, but I was in the fucking future. I must have been in the midst of bending space-time because what seemed like seconds after I had ejaculated my alarm started playing, I had 30 minutes to pack, shower dress and get the fuck out. I was a hot mess, I was high as fuck, and drunk as piss, hadn’t eaten in at least 30 hours and was time traveling to different parallel universes in my mind. I packed with a vengeance, threw on my suit gave Prasha the hard goodbye and ran towards the agreed meeting point to find airport transfer waiting. I had to go through security 3 times at Entebbe airport, which made it one cunt of an airport, but I got checked in and when I arrived at immigration to get stamped out the officer could tell I was on one and was probably happy to get me the fuck out of his country. I took about 3 Valium once I boarded the South African flight, hoping to sleep the 4 hours to Joburg. That didn’t happen, 3 Valium and I was still somewhere in unexplored space. So, being lucky enough to be on a brand new airplane, plugged in my computer and wrote, edited video and photos like I had all the magic of Uganda in my fingers. My connecting flight to cape town was a mess as usual, they never give you enough time and you have to leave the fucking airport in order to recheck your bags to make a regional transfer flight. My bags were late so it was a dead sprint after the 30 minute line at immigration, which I got drilled a little, but doing the eagles claw technique (under endorsed) worked like a charm, not the super dramatic version, just dropping my passport and papers then purposely hitting my head on the little bar jetting out from the immigration booth. The girl laughed, then asked why I had a late fine the last time I had arrived, I explained, she rolled her eyes and stamped me through. Sucker.
I landed in Cape Town; pretty sure I was still high. I didn’t eat any of the horrible airplane food and had been just drinking water, I found my South African family and before we knew it we were drinking wine eating sushi out on the town. That first night we even headed to see the new Thor film, which I had been dying to see since I left the states. The crew and I were laughing like I had never left. Cape Town felt more like home to me that my own home did. A small sigh of relief to be here, a little sadness to be away from all the magic that waited to be discovered in east Africa and an afterthought knowing I would have to get gangster as fuck again to survive the criminal element that’s so prominent in South Africa especially compared to the zero crime I experienced in Uganda.
I planned to hide out from my friends and work for a week or so at my ZA family’s house before I would announce my arrival. I had a lot to write and catch up on and could really use the rest and chance to get my exercise started up again and focus on my goals.
By day two the racism began, it broke my fragile heart, after all of the wonder and awe of life I just witnessed, I sat in a room with people whom I love and their relatives and listened to them praise Hitler as a great leader who would have never been a coward and killed himself, I heard them wish apartheid would return, it was during a Sunday Braai with many white Afrikaans guests who were drinking a little too much. When I politely asked my hosts to refrain from such talk while I was around, I was told I didn’t understand, that they weren’t racists, its just they hate the “savages” not all “blacks” mind you, just the ones fucking everything up in south Africa and I could never understand the complexity of the hate on both sides. I immediately wanted to escape. My heart shattered, I cried that evening, I was angry, I was infected with their hate, all that I had just gained in experience and wonder and magic felt minimalized in a few short words, like I had just been robbed of all that I held dear. I called my first boss from town and arranged for cocktails that night; she surely would help my worldview return to what it needed to be. I can’t explain how much it hurt me. My whole mission is to open the eyes of people to help them better understand our world and cultures, and if these people I call family here in Cape Town couldn’t understand it, then I have so much more work to do, just as I was feeling that the message was becoming so clear.