The goodbye blues begin.

  Jan 28, 2017   Edmond


Location Cape Town

The following day I returned to work, happy to be there, still functioning on my provigil, valium and redbull. I knocked out a pair of tattoos on a lady

I invited Molly to come in and say hello, she was busy working so I didn’t get to see her. I was pretty spent at that point anyway. Rico and I made plans to have a cocktail after work the following day, just like the old days, bloody marys to end the day. Annie had jiu jitsu so she wouldn’t be joining but we did have plans to have a movie night on Wednesday, which made me happy, just me and her alone in her apartment I imagined that comfortable cuddling that as a traveler you very rarely get.

I drew most of the morning for the coming weekend and for all the free tattoos I would have to do before I left my South African family, which I wasn’t exactly happy about since I was still short on money, especially on my way to London where money is worth so much less. All the same I drew and drew, and prepared for my Saturday at the shop, which I had agreed to stay at Sins of Style through to help out since everyone was booked, which created the possibility that I might not get to tattoo with Manuela. Which made me a little anxious. With less than two weeks left in cape town, I knew I would be pushing it all the way to the wall with seeing everyone, tattooing and partying, which made me nervous knowing that I would soon be going through benzo withdrawals which could potentially bring everything to a halt.

I made a doctors appointment for the next morning, woke early did yoga, ran, did yoga again and went to Victoria Warf wall, the swanky mall on the seafront, bought a new shirt and tie, failed to find anything warm then went and charmed the panties off the doctor who gave me my script for diazapam. Then I hustled the pharmacist to give me both prescriptions the doctor had split by date right then instead of later. Blue shirt, purple tie, I couldn’t be refused. I did a couple of tattoos and was disappointed when Molly wasn’t going to finish her article in time for us to have our movie night. So again, we postponed for one more night, I was starting to think maybe the whole travelers love affair was starting to get to her and maybe I wouldn’t see her again.

I went off the provigil and started to lower my doses on the diazepam, I was sick of being addicted to chemicals other than caffeine. It was hard at first, as I could talk myself into just about anything when it comes to drugs, and although I slowed on the diazepam, I still couldn’t sleep without my xanax and finally fell asleep again.

Same drill the following day, yoga run work and that night I tattooed an old Sailor Eddie design on Phil, one of the other artists, which was a huge honor. Phil is an amazing tattooer. Following that we all had gin and tonics at the shop and then Rico, Tyler, Lee and myself all went out to this Portuguese joint near the shop and continued with cocktails and some food.



Right as we were finishing up I got a text from Molly, expecting her to cancel our movie night and to my surprise she said: “I just got home from Jiu Jitsu and needed a shower and if I still wanted to come over?” I paid for the boy’s dinner and hopped an Uber and there she was, smiling and happy to see me.

I was greeted with a kiss and movie night turned into just sitting and talking, sipping a little tequila and enjoying each others company cuddled closely on the coach that wasn’t nearly big enough for me, but somehow she fit me just right that it worked. I learned a lot that night, she had only dated women for the last couple years which was a bit of a surprise to me, considering we were getting along so well. We are both Libra and total opposites. I believe in magic, she is a total and complete nihilist, the conversations were nothing short of spectacular and she kept me on my toes the whole time. Somewhere in between I grabbed all the Rand I had, probably around 4-5 grand and handed it to her, said here is our drug budget, whatever is left over you keep, ill probably just lose it in commissions to trade it to Sterling anyway. She announced “fuck that’s a lot of money” I smiled and hoped for the best last night ever. We cuddled for a while, before I left to let her prepare for her interview the next morning, with a long kiss goodbye and plans to see her again the following day and an ecstasy Sunday together we split ways and I found my way to my bed.

Morning came all too quick and I landed two walk-ins straight away, making my drug money expenses feel a little less damaging. It was Friday, my second to last day at Sins of Style and my Saturday was already fully booked. I thought of Molly all day, and the horrible tragedy of leaving yet another amazing woman behind on these adventures of mine. I was counting on her cancelling both days we had planned. Molly has this mysterious way about her, and like most of the women I find in other countries, isn’t too bothered with the fact that the time is ticking away for me to spend time with them while my anxiety levels grow and grow hoping for that one last experience with that magical woman before I have to make my exit. Molly was something different, she could never be “mine” she could never commit to such a love affair, and that made it all the more tragic as I went over all the wonderful things and talents about her that I admired. Her eyes could lock in place like mine, rivaling my dead eyed stare, she spoke with a confidence that few women can. It seemed that as I grew closer, like all women she pulled away, slow but sure, changing her texts from sweetness to short answers and vague plans. I would be lying if I didn’t say it hurt a bit, but all the same, maybe she was just busy but in the end, I knew it was me breaking the rules that was driving her away from me. She was small in stature, had giant brown eyes and aqua green streaks in her hair with giant perfectly done Japanese tattoos all down her right side I could see them when I closed my eyes at night, and my obsession was growing, that love sickness that only an idiot like me can accomplish in as short a time as a month, considering our previous one night stand experience last time I was in the Mother City, as a first date, so the foundation was already laid.

Saturday I found myself at the last day at the tattoo shop and knocked out my appointments, packed up my shit, said my thank yous and promised to return to visit and a good party before I would go and was home and napping by 1700. I had no plans and no friends to text me to join them in town for a night out. I had exactly one week left in cape town and the depression of leaving this place that feels so much like home started to set in, and the chaos of a flight and another shop, people, place to live and all that goes with those first impossible weeks when you arrive to work in a place so different than the one you are in. I was fearful of the cold, none of my winter clothes had arrived and I was sure to freeze the moment I arrived in London.

The following week would be exhausting, I would be doing free tattoos on the family and with each one wearing myself thinner and thinner as the week disappeared and the grand party approached for my going away along with trying to fit Molly, Manuela, the boys at Sins and anyone else that wants a piece of me before I leave again for god knows how long. Molly, as expected didn't call that night.